We’ve all had different stages of our lives and in some of them we don’t realize we are letting some trends influence us or what someone said might be taken very seriously, especially when you have a susceptible heart and a low self esteem. That was me years ago, my self esteem was so low that at some point of my teenage years and early 20’s I did some very stupid things, but that’s for another entry.
Right now I want to write about something very specific: Makeup and how I used to hate it.
Being raised in a household where I was taught to love myself as I was certainly helped to it, not because my family said nasty things when I put makeup on but because I thought that by wearing heavy make up I was being disrespectful of myself. Why did I need to “lie” about how I am? Did I really want someone finding out how I look without make up just to be mocked and ridiculed for using makeup to “cover up” how ugly I really am?
In my silliness I thought that maybe if I OVERDID it then it would be better, so I started wearing heavy make up when I was around 15 and God, was that a bad idea! There was no YouTube to help me with tutorials, no awesome guru’s to show me what I was doing wrong and how to do it better. I also lacked money so my make up was mostly what my mom didn’t really use and that resembled my skin color… in absolutely nothing!
Then I met someone who despised make up so much that I simply stopped using it and entered into some sort of personal disgust over it. Why? Because real women who loved themselves didn’t hide behind an instrument invented to make us look pleasing for men. We were more important than that… when did I realize that was stupid? When even wearing a bra was considered to be a manipulation of women by a chauvinist society.
Yes, I know it’s stupid! Bear with me. I was around 17 by now and my life was changing, my circle of friends changed and the people I was seeing changed too. So, I started to change as well.
The heavy make up to no make up time of my life lasted for a few years and then I started to shake off preconceptions and ideas about myself and about a lot of other things, I didn’t even like Disney! Or I claimed not to because that made me so not cool.
All that confusion about myself, the chaos in my mind and in my life started to dissipate the moment I started to realize that other people’s opinion was theirs and I could disagree with it and if they didn’t like it then it was their problem, that it was on them what they thought about me and not on me to change myself to please them. For some people it doesn’t take much time, but for me it seemed like a very long road and, let’s face it, feeling good about yourself is something you have to nurture every day.
Today I saw NikkieTutorials video, The Power of MakeUp, and I felt the need to write this entry, because using makeup has nothing to do with not loving yourself, with pleasing guys just as much as not wearing makeup doesn’t mean you love yourself or you are fighting against the patriarchy.
Today, many many years after all I just described I believe that it doesn’t matter if you like to wear makeup or not, that whichever you chose to do, you do it with one thing in mind: what makes you beautiful is how you feel about yourself, how the love you feel for you translates into beauty on the inside and out.